Jokes

Santa: 1 aurat ko ghurte hue ja raha tha,
Aurat:'dekhta kya h teri maa ki umar ki hu'
Santa: to mai bhi apne baap k liye hi dhund raha hu...!

Girlfriend- Apke bina mera ZEE nahi lagta
.
Santa- ZEE nahi lagta to isme kya hai SONY ya STAR PLUS laga lo wo bhi achhe channel hai...


1 ladki road pe khadi thi,
1 ladka bike pe jata h.
vapas ata h or usse puchta h pehchana kya?;-)
Girl-nhi
Boy- kya Yaar!!!! Abhi to samne se gya tha.
Dr:Soory, Operation ke waqt handgloves ander rah gaye hai. Dobara operation karana padega.
santa:Abe pagal ho gaya hai? Yeh le 20.0 rs. naye kharid lena.
Santa ka Baap UK se aaya..
Baap-Teri Ma Kahan he ??
Santa-Mar gai
Baap-Tune Mujhe batayaa kyu nahi ??
Santa-Socha Surprise dunga...
Snta:tu miror k smne baith kr kyun pdhta h?
Bnta:fayde hai
1.Sath Me revsion ho jta h
2.Khud pe nazar b rehti h
3.padne k liye company mil jati h ! Gud nt:-)



Harbhajan to Dhoni: Hum to Jaanbujh ke match haare.
Pata hai jeetnewali team ko jo Volkswagen mil rahi hai, woh petrol ki hai.. :
Breaking News-Petrol prices up Rs by 7.50
Pump attendent - 'Kitne ka daloon ?' ! Car owner - '2-4 rupye ka car ke upar spray kar de bhai, jalana hai !!'
Sonu-Yaar,English Me 'Jhopdi' Ko Kya Kehte He
Monu-Hutt
Sonu-Abe,English Aati Nhi To Saaf Saaf Bol Na..hutt hutt kaya bol rahee..

1 Ladka 1 phool le kar ladki k pass gaya.
ladki ne use kiss kar liya.
wo ghabra k bhaga to ladki ne pucha-kya huwa?
Ladka- Guldasta lene ja raha hoon.
Santa:Aap Mujhe School
Kyo Bhejti Hai ?
Mummy:Taki Tum Ek
Achchhe Insan Ban Sako
Santa:Lekin,
Teacher 2 Mujhe Hamesha
Murga Banati Hai !

Boy (kamina) ne 1 ladki ko call ki..
Boy - Hello Jan I love U..
Ladki - Sachi..
Boy - Really..
Ladki (maha kamini) - Jaanu 100 ka recharge karwo do plz...
Boy - Sorry behen wrong number..
Girl:- mera dil mobile or tum uski sim ho.
boy:- jaanu ek baat puchoo.
girl:-ha puchoo.
.
boy:-tumhara mobile double sim wala to nahi hai na...
Maa bete se: uth jaa kambakhat dekh sooraj kab ka nikal aaya hai
Beta: to kya hua amma wo sota bhi to mujh se pehle hai.

Ek ladka apni girlfriend ka cell chori se dekhta hai ki mera no: kis naam se saved hai, "janu" ya "sweetu", apne mobile se call kiya to dekha likha tha 'murga no.5 calling'..


Santa-Tum apni biwi ko kya naam se bulate ho?
Banta-Google darling
Santa-Y such name?
Banta-1 sawal, karo 100 jawab deti he..
Biwi ne Board dekha
Banarsi Saree Rs10
Naylon saree 8/-
Cotton saree 5/-
Wife: mujhe 500
rs do me 50 saree
khridungi
Pati-Surdas ki Ma
ye LAUNDRY ki dukan h



Pathan : Nothing ka kiya matlb hai?
Frnd : kuch nahi
Pathan : o yaraa aesa nai hota
yar jb b koi word banta hai
toh us ka koi matlb b hota hai :-)}



Boy :- chalti hae kya 9 se 12..?
Girl :- chal...
Boy :- kaha...?
Girl :- principal ke pas...
Boy :- lo aab apni behan ke saath mazak b nh kr sakte....!
Girl :- bewkuf...!! chhutti mangne.......


Boy Ne ek
Girl Ko
Propose Kia....
Girl Ne Mana Kar Diya.... .
..
Boy : i'll wait ..
.
30 Din tak Tere Ghar k Niche Khada Rahunga.. . .
.
30th Din k baad Girl Boli -I Love u.... . .
.
Boy : .
.
Rehne De !! Ab Teri Padosan
Set Ho Gayi Hai.....!!!




Pathan: Tum 1 Bar Me Kitny Admi Utha Skty Ho
Pehalwan: Kam Se Kam 10
Pathan: Basss!
Tum Se Acha To Hmara Murgha Hy Jo Subah Pury Mohally Ko Utha Deta Hy. ;->


Mummy : Tu Hamesha TV Kyun
Dekhta Rehta Hai.. ?
.
Kid : To Kya Fridge Dekhu..Maa ????



Teacher:
Jyotishi-Tera nam Santa h
Santa-Ji
Jotis-Tere 1 Ladka h, Tune abi 5kg Gehu kharida h.
Santa-Tusi to Antryami ho
Jotis-Gadhe, agli bar Kundli lana
RashanCard nhi
Do ladies ko 20 saal ki saza mili
20 saal baad jail me guzarne k baad
Jb Dono Riha Hui To DoNo nE Muskurate huE kaha
Chalo ab baaqi baten ghar pahunch kr kartey hain..

Wife ne santa ko SMS kiya
Kitni der me Aa rhe ho?
santa ne Jawab me SMS kiya
20-25 mint me Aa rha hu,
Agr Der ho jaye to ye
SMS fir se Padh lena



A little Boy says to a Girl:
:I LOVE U:
.
.
But
she says k wo kisi or ko chati hai.
.
the little boy looks down in sad
mood..
&
After few seconds looks up..
&
eyes Filled with tears and emotes
all his feeling by saying just a
single & most beautiful word ever:
.
KAmIniii


Chor Aaya,Tijori pr Likha tha"Todne ki Zrurt Nhi,Button Dabaao,Khul Jyega"Button Dabate hi Police Aa gyi.
Chor-"MAA KASAM___"Insaniyat se vishwas hi uth gya___


Pappu salo k baad santa se mila..
Pata chala dono ki shadi ho gai hai..
Santa:- Kaisi hai teri biwi.
Pappu: Swarg ki apsara hai.,
Aur teri..????
?
Santa:- Meri to abhi jinda hai.!!.;) :P



SANTA: Rasgulle hai?
DUKANDAAR: Nahi,!
SANTA: Dekh lunga.
DUKANDAAR (Gusse me(: Kya dekh loge?
SANTA: Dusri dukaan me jakar dekh loonga!


Batao cold drink Nuqsan Deti Hai Ya Faida?
Student:
Agr Koi Pila de To Faida,
Agr Pilani Parr Jaye To Nuqsaan;-)


1 Bikhari=Are dkho,kisi ne meri
cycle chura li or apni bike yaha
chor gaya.
2 Bikhari=
"tu to sach me lut gaya,ye to
petrol se chalti he.!

do baccho ki maa
teesri bar saadi kar rhi thi,
fero ke waqt chota baccha rone lga,
amma boli chup ho ja varna agli saadi me nahi le jaungi.




Boy: Suno jara !
GIRL: Chup raho, Khate time baat nahi karte,

Khane k baad
Ladki: Ab bolo
Boy: Teri plate me cockroch tha,
Le aur ban Heroine.




Boy sends friend request to Girl
on Facebook :-
Girl :- Kaunn ho tum ?
Boy :- Hasrat tumhari .......
Girl :- Chahte kya ho ?
Boy : Mohhabat tumhari ...... ...
Girl:- Pachtaoge tum ..........
Boy :- Kismat hamari .........
Girl :- Married hoon main ......
Boy: To Status single se hata
Manhoos Naari .



Aurangazeb: Senapati batao ki
hum Shivaji ko kyu nahi dhund pa rahe hain??
Senapati: kyoki Maharaj ham Mugal hai Google Nahi




Kanjoos baap bachchon se:
Jo raat ko khana nahi khayega use 5 Rs dunga.
Bachche 5 Rs le kar so gaye.
Subah baap bola:
Jo 5 Rs dega.. usi ko naashta milega.





Papa:- Beti bari ho kar kya karo gi?
.
.
.
Beti:- Shaadi.
.
.
.
Papa:- Galat baat hai,
.
.
.
.
.
abhi se kisi ka bura nahi sochte...





Girl : Mujhe Kyu Dekh Rahe Ho? Tumhari Koi Behan Nahi He Kya? . Boy : Hai Isi Liye To Dekh Raha Hu . Girl : Kyu ? . Boy : Meri Behan Ko BHABHI Chahiye…






1 Bhakt Ashram Me Jake SwamiG Se-SwamiG Mera Puja Me Mann Nai Lagta! Kya Karu? Swami:Us Puja Ko Mere Pass Bhejo Shayad Mera Man Lag jae!




Boy Friend on phone:
Hi dear muje teri bahut yaad aa rahi hai
I seriously miss u!
GF: Abhi to baat ki humne
BF: Arey phirse tuje hi lag gaya, Sorry!!


Girl- mere b'day par bahut costly gift dena.
Boy-ok.
on the b'day.....
Boy- your gift....
Girl- how sweet!!!!!:):).
.
.
.
is mein kya hai.............?????
Boy- petrol mein tale paneer ke
pakore...!!!!!


Girl: McDonald’s chale...?
Boy: Spelling bolo to hi jayenge.
Girl: 1 kam karo KFC chalte h...
Boy: KFC ka Fullform bolo
Girl: Rehne de kamine, samosa hi khila de....





Teacher in Class room: Hey Rahul, apne baaju wale ko utha.
Rahul: Tune sulaya hai tu hi utha. :-)

Dad- beta chhod de ye facebook ye tujhe roti nhi dene wali
boy- ha papa ye muze roti nhi dene wali
par roti bananewali degi


BOY-ek ladki ko rose dete hue kaha YE RISTA KYA
KEHLATA HAI?
GIRL-pavitra rista
BOY-to Is pyar ko kya naam du?
GIRL- EK hazaro me meri behna hai


Santa proposing a girl: Darling kya tum mujse shadi karogi?
Girl: Tameez se baat karo.
Santa: Behan ji, kya aap mujhse shaadi karogi?


Garib ka beta:
Maa mene sapna dekha ke mera 1 pair
zameen par aur dusra aasman mein..
Maa: Is tarah ke sapne mat dekha kar,
ek hi chaddi hai wo bhi phat jayegi..

1pagal Aaina Dekh k sochne lga,
isko kahin dekha h.
thodi der sochne k baad
"O Teri " ye to wohi hai
jo Mere sath us din Baal ktwa raha tha!


HoSpital me sare Pagal Ro Rahe te
1 Pagal Chupchup Soya tha.Doctor N Pucha-Tum Q Shanti se Soye ho?
Pagal-Bewakuf,mai mar chuka hu Isliye to sab Ro rhe hai..

Santa ke lips jale hue the
Banta: Kaise jale
Santa: Wife ko railway steation drop krne gaya tha.
Banta: To?
Santa: Khushi ke mare.
Train ke engine ko choom liya
Shaadi ke baad pati ne pucha :
"Tumhare shadi se pehle kitne boyfrnd
the?"
Wife ne 1 lifafa dia,
jisme chawal k kuch dane aur 200 Rs. the.
Pati : Ye kya?
Wife : Mai jab bi boyfriend banati thi to 1 chawl ka dana isme dal deti thi.
Pati (Dane gin ke) Bus 7? Aur ye 200
Rs. Kyun?
Wife : 4 killo chawal bech diye...1


Santa daku se- Oye meri bhen ka dupatta wapis kar.
daku bndook nikal k.. Kya baat hai?
santa- Kuch nhi bhai ji piko krwani thi...

Santa k ek sentence ne photographer ko pagal kr diya...
.
Yaar mera pasport size photo nikal
Lekin meri chapal bhi aani chahiye...:-)


Santa Khudkushi par speech de raha tha
Khudkushi Paap hai
Zulm hai Gunah hai
Buzdili hai Pagalpan hai
khudkushi krne se behtar hai insan khud ko
Goli maarle


Circuit: Bhai, apun ne kal Sania Mirza se phone
pe baat ki.
Munna bhai: Arre wah, kya kaha usne.
Circuit: Usne kaha, Mamu wrong number!!



DRINKERS movies banate toh-
1)Soda Akbar
2)Rab Ne Pila di Thodi
3)Rum de basanti
4)Hum tight ho chuke sanam
5)Beer Zaara
6)Bewde Zameen par.


Teacher aur Umpire ek jaise
hote hain..
.
Dono karte kuch nahi, bas
khade khade Ungli karte rehte
hain.!!



Boy-Hey I Have Just Installed Windows
8 In My Pc :D
.
Girlz: Kis Zamane Ka Hai Tu Gawar, Im Using Windows 98..!!




Year 2030:
“Son to Dad: How did you meet Mom.”
Dad: “Ah my Son!!
It all started with a request,
add as a friend on facebook."..
Then Webcam,voice chat...wow love those days...
Son : Dad are you sure am practical and not downloaded from any torrent..??



Father: Tumhare Result ka kya hua ? .
.
Son: Headmster ka beta fail ho gaya,
.
Father: Aur tum?
.
Son: Doctor ka beta Bhi fail ho gaya,
.
Father: Aur tumhara result kesa Aya?
.
Son: Wo Wakeel Ka Beta Bhi fail Ho gya, .
.
Father: Kamine me tera puchraha hun. .
.
Son: To Tum konse president Ho,,,,
Tumhara Beta Bhi Fail Hai....!!


In plane after some drinks -
British-
I will sleep now.
American-
I want to work on internet.
German-
I will relax now.
INDIAN-
Aye Pilot chal baju haat...Aaj tera Bhai Plane Chalaega..!!


Santa: My wife can multi-task.
Banta: Really?
Santa: Yeah, she can take a phone call, tidy her hair and crash her car, all at the same time.

फ़ौज की ट्रेनिंग के दौरान मेजर ने संता से पूछा;
मेजर: यह हाथ में क्या है?
संता: सर ये बंदूक है!
मेजर: ये बंदूक नहीं, हमारी इज्जत और शान है, तुम्हारी मां है!
उसके बाद ऑफिसर दूसरे सैनिक बंता के पास गया उससे भी वही सवाल पूछा;
मेजर: यह हाथ में क्या है?
बंता: सर ये संता की मां है, और हमारी आंटी है!

Captain of Military: Naujawano aage bado;
Santa aage nahi bada;
Captain: tum aage kyu nahi bade?
Santa: Apne kaha 9 jawano aage bado, mein 10ve

Santa: Mujhe Tou Aankhey Band Karney Par Bhi Dikhayi Deta Hai.
Banta: Achchaa, Kya Dikhta Hai?
Santa: Andhera




Santa:
maine mere beta ka naam AMERICA rakha hai
Banta:
kyun?
Santa:
me duniya ko dikhana chahta hu k me AMERICA ka BAAP hoon

Santa to Girl: Aapki Surat Bilkul Meri Biwi Se Milti He.
Girl Slapped Santa.
Santa: Kamal he.. Aadatein bhi Milti he


Santa and Banta were fixing a bomb in a car.
Santa: What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
Banta:Dont warry, I have one more.

Banta: Ye chithi tum kise likh rahe ho?
Santa: khud ko
Banta: Isme kya likha hai?
Santa: malum nahi
Banta: kyu?
Ssanta: Abhi mujhe mili kaha hai ?''

Santa: Main aur meri girlfriend shaadi kar rahe hain..
Banta: Mast,kab…?
Santa: meri 7th dec ko
aur uski 13th feb ko.

Santa nashe me 1 Sadhu se takra gaya.
Sadhu: Arey murkh mai tumhe sharap deta hu,
Santa- Toda rukiye Maharaj main gilas le kar aata hu.

Autowala to Santa : Sahab, 100 rupaye ho gaye.
Santa ne 50 rupaye autowale ko de diye.
Autowala : Sahab ye to gundagardi hai, meter ki hisab se 100 rupaye hue hai.
Santa : Tu bhi to baithkar aaya hai, tera kiraya bhi kya mujhe dena
parega

Santa To Banta: Wo Dukandar Logo Ko Lut-ta Hai
Banta:Q?
Santa: Maine Kal Usse Biscut Kharida Uspe Likha Tha Sugar Free
but us k under se Biscuit k siwa kuch nahi nikla


Santa:Tum Kitne Saal se Jalebi Bana Rahe Ho?
Halwai:30 Saal Se..!
Santa: Badi Sharm Ki Baat he
Tumse Aaj Tak Jalebi Sidhi Nai Bani
Judge: Is ke dono kaan kaat do.
Santa: nahi main andha ho jaunga
Judge: Kaan kaatne se andha kaise hoga?
Santa: Chashma kaha lagaunga
Santa: ladki phasani ati hay
Banta: nahi
Santa: 1 kagaz ka jahaz bana, use class me uda
Jab Mam puche to ladki
ka nam laga de
BAS FAS GAI LADKI
Santa opened a petrol pump,
but not even one customer went there.
You know why?
Because he opened petrol pump on second floor..

Santa sote waqt 2 glass rakhta hai.
Ek mein paani bharke aur ek Khali
.
kyu?
Socho?
Kyuki pyas lag bhi sakti hai aur nahi bhi.





Santa: Look a thief has entered our kitchen
and he is eating the cake I made.
Banta: Whom should I call now,
Police or Ambulance?

Santa:Tum mitti kyu khod rahe ho?
.
Banta:yaar,Dada ji ne kaha k maine unka naam mitti me mila diya hai,
bas wahi dhoond raha hu.

Santa:Aaj kisine mere BAAP ko gaali di.
Patni:Fir?
Santa:Maine bhi uske baap ko gaali di.
Patni:Lekin wo kaun tha?
Santa:Mera BETA..

Santa: Mere Pass Gaddi Hai, Banglow Hai, Paisa Hai.
Tumhare Paas Kya Hai?
Banta: Mere Pass Bhi Gaddi Hai, Banglow Hai, Paisa Hai.
.
Santa: To Saaley Apni Maa Kiske Paas Hai?


Duniya gol hai!!proof chahiye?
Cockroch chuhe se darta hai,chuha billi se,
billi kutte se,kutta admi se,
admi apni GIRLFRND se,
aur GIRLFRND cockroch se.

Techr: Tum late kyo aaye ho?
Santa: Mumy papa lad rhe the..
Techr: wo lad rhe the to tum kyo late aaye?
santa=mera 1 juta maumy k pass or Dusra papa k paas tha!..

Ek murgi aur uske 3 bache road cross kar rahe the.
Road cross karne k baad murgik 1 bache ne kaha,hum saato ne road cross karli.
7 kaise?
?
?
?
Socho,
Aur socho,
read msg again,
than scroll down,
Arey yaar,bache hai kuch b bolte rehte hai..
aap tension mat lo..



a pakistani asked indian to tease "what is the difference between indians and dogs?"
then indian replied "just a border"
NEW Way of writing Answer in xams.
If u dont know d ans den put lines like dis
||||||
and write below..
"Scratch here 4 ANSWERS"
Gud Nite..
Husband:agar meri lotery nikal aaye to tu kya karegi...
Patni:mai aadhe paise leke tujse chhod cungi....
Husband:Meri 100 rs ki lotery nikli hai.....
ye le 50 aur Daffa ho ja....


GIRLS ARE LIKE WATER
BOYS ARE LIKE MOBILE
WATER FALL ON MOBILE
OR
MOBILE FALL ON WATER
WATT TO MOBILE KI HI LAGTI HAI YAAR



5 Sardaro ne Partnership me 1 auto kharida.
15 din ho gaye lekin koi Sawari nahi mili
kyu
Kyuki
3 Sardar Piche aur 2 Aage baith kar Savari dhund rhe the

Santa:
Yaar yahoo pr ja k Dr. Sazedur sms jokes search krna
.
Banta:
Yaar yahoo pr ja k kon si jaga search kru?
Ur tu ne ye to bataya he nhi k
yahoo pr kon se number train jati hy?

Life Was Lonely,
No One Was There,
I Had No Good Friend,
And When U Came Into My Life,
I Realised That…
:
:
:
“Akele He Theek Tha Yaar

Kaalu to his Maths Teacher,
Kaalu: Miss mein aapko kaisa lagta hoon ??
Teacher: So Sweet !!
Kaalu : Toh mein bheju aapne Mummy Papa ko.....
Teacher: Kyun...!!!
Kaalu: Taaki woh Hamari baat chalaye...
Teacher [Shockingly] : What??
Kaalu : Tution ke Liye...
Teacher -How many months in a year?
KG Kid-12
Teacher-How do u know?
Kid-Barah mahine me bara tarike se tujhko pyar jataunga re!
"DHINKA CHIka RE RE RE..
Students song
Hum hoge all pass
Hum hoge all pass
1din
Ho! ho!
SOTE h bindass
Likhte h bakwas
Karte h timepas
Fir B h vishwas
Marks milenge jhaKkas 1 din!;-)
Biwi apne sharabi pati ko sudharne ke liye kale kapde pehn kar ghar ke bahr khadi ho gai
Pati:Tum Kon?
Biwi: Chudel
Pati:Hath mila Main teri behen ka pat


Pilot's Girlfriend : Zyada ud Matt Samjha
Teacher's Girlfriend : Mujhe mat Sikhao Samjhe
Dentist's Girlfriend : Daant tod ke hath me de dungi
C.A.'S Girlfriend : Hisaab se reh samjha...
Engineer's Girlfriend :
.
" Abey pehle Pass toh ho ja fir baat karna


A boys fb status:
M online during cls..
Hahaha..
...
comment from his teacher:
beta test me 0 mila hai aake dekhega ya tag kru...???


BOY- I LOVE YOU DEAR will u marry me??
GIRL- ye to purana hai koi naya style ???
BOY -Apni LAASH ko aag lagane ka MOUKA mere Bete ko degi kya????????



Wikipedia: Enter
a word... I have pages to tell.
Google: Enter a query... I have
unlimited ways to answer.
Internet: Without me, you both
are Nothing.
Computer: Without me, You all
are useless.
.
Electricity: Keep Talking


1 Bacha drwaje ki bell bjane ki koshish kr Rha tha
1 Buzurg ne dekha or bell bajadi or bola:- Beta or kuch?
Bacha-Ab bhag buddhe.. pta nhi kiska ghr hai

Girlfriend :”Last night I had a dream of
you.”
bf. (got excited):”Maine kya kiya
tumhare sapne mein aa ke”
… Girlfriend replied :”We were
traveling in bus,
Suddenly the bus lost control and fell in
the
… river.
Everyone swam to save their life, but
you
were still swimming and searching for
someone.”
bf (with luv):”I was searching for you,
na ? ♥”
Girlfriend said: NO, You were shouting,
“Arrey, conductor kidhar gaya, 2 rupay
lene
the”….. .:P


Teachr- “main teri jaan nikal dungi” iski english kya hogi..??
…..
…..
…..
Boy-English ki aisi taisi. Tu, saali hath laga k to dikha
.

There are basically 7 TYPES OF GIRLS
1. HARD DISK Girls:
Remember everything forever.
2. RAM Girls:
Forgets about you the moment you turn her off.
3. SCREENSAVER Girls:
just for looking.
4. INTERNET Girls:
Difficult to access.
5. SERVER Girls:
Always busy when needed.
6. MULTIMEDIA Girls:
Makes horrible things looks beautiful.
7. VIRUS:These type of girls are normally called 'WIFE'
once enters in your system don't leave even after format

Kaalu ke dost ki Death ho gayi
woh uski Biwi ke pas aya Or bola: Kya mai us ki jagah le sakta hu?
Biwi :Mujhe koi aitraaz nahi, Kabristaan walo Se Puch Lo.....!

After a great Research we  discovered the Full Form of "CLASS"
C: Come
L: Late
A: and
S: Start
S: Sleeping

Bania’s son: Daddy meri door ki nazar kharab hai SPECKS banwa do.
Kanjoos Bania took him outside & said: Woh dekh kya hai?
Son: Suraj
Kanjoos Bania: Abbe ullu ke patthe, aur kitni dur tak dekhna chahe hai tu.

A Big Difference
Between School & College:
.
In School If You Were Late,
You Have To Sit On Last Bench..
.
But In Collage If You Were Late,
You Have To Sit On First Bench.


Teacher: Paani me Rehne wale 5 janwaroon k naam btao.??
Boy: Mendak..
Teacher: 4 aur btao
Boy: Mendak ki Mummy, Mendak k Papa,
Mendak ki Behan Aur Mendak ki wife.. ;)

Jab rat ko neend na aaye,
Dil ki dhadkan bhi badh jaye,
Tab dusaro ki neend kharab karo.
shayad unki dua se aapko neend aa jaye..
Good Night
Santa radio thik karwane gya.
Mechanic ne dekh k kha: Ye thik hai,Mausam kharab hai,
Isliye nhi chal rha.
Santa:Le 100rs,Mausam naya daal de

Principal 2 Students:
U People Must Sleep Atleast 7 Hours A Day.
.
Students:
Impossible Sir..!! :O
School is only For 6hrs ..!!!

Girl: if u will try 2 kiss me, main shor macha
dungi.
Boy:Lekin yaha to dur tak koi nahi hai.
Girl: i know but formality to karni hi padegi.

Earlier friendship started with
"Can I have your number"?
.
But today it starts with,
"Do you have Facebook
account?"

Wife Hints to husband for a New Car in this Valentine Day !!!!!
"Dear! buy me something that goes from 0 to 90 in 2 seconds,
When i am on it."
.
Husband gifted Her-A "Weight Machine"




Wife :- Suna hai swarg me husband aur wife ko saath me nahi rehne dete ....
.
Husband :- Pagli, tabhi to use swarg kehte hai ...



U r one of d CUTEST persons in this world!!
Just a second, don't misunderstand me.
CUTE means:
Creating
Useless
Troubles
Everywhere
SomeOne..
MiSSES U..
NeeDS U..
Worries About U
Lonely Without U
Guess Who?
THE MONKEY IN
... THE ZOO


 Man Meets An Accident With His New Ferrari.
Policemen Arrives.
Man:- (Cried) Officer! My Brand New Car!
Police Replied:- You're Suchmaterialistic.
You Even Haven't Notice That Your Left
Arm Has Been Cut Off.
.
Man-: (He Looks At His Left Arm And Yells.)
OMG! My Rolex Watch!.

What's Marriage?
.
Answer-
MARRIAGE Is The 7th Sense Of Humans That Destroys All The Six Senses And Makes The Person NON Sense...XD :P A: Why Are You Late?


A: Why Are You Late?
B: There Was A Man Who Lost A Hundred Dollar Bill.
A: That's Nice. Were You Helping Him Look For It?
B: No, I Was Standing On It.
BROTHER: BAHN MERE DOST AYE HAI CHAI BANA DO
SISTER: NAHI ME NAHI BANA RAHI
BROTHER: BANA DE JAB TERE YAR AYENGE TAB ME BANA DOUNGA

A girl says to her boyfriend, One kiss and I’ll be yours forever.
The guy says thanks for the warning!
BOY : May I hold your hand ??
GIRL : No thanks, it isn’t heavy.

Tcher: How Old is ur father. Sunny: As old as I m. Tcher: How is it possible? Sunny: He bcom father only after I was born.
Husband asks, Do you know the meaning of WIFE.
It means...Without Information Fighting Everytime!
WIFE satys No, it means -
With Idiot for Ever.
My nights are becoming sleepless,
My days r becoming restless.
So i asked god,”Is this love?”
God said,”Idiot…Garmi shuru ho gayi!”

Teacher : Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun. Everyone must attend it.
Raju : No ma’m! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher : Why?
Raju : My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!


Gal: Is dress ka kya price hai?
Shopkeeper: Sirf 5 kiss.
Girl: Aur us dress ka?
Shopkeeper: 10 kiss.
Girl: Dono dress pack kar do, bill dadi dengi.

Ek aadmi kabr par betha tha.
Musafir ne pucha, dar nahi lagta ?
Aadmi:darne ki kya baat hai ….?
Ander garmi lag rahi thi to bahar aa gaya….!!!!


Girl: Main tere liye sab kuch chhod dungi.
Boy:Maa baap
Girl:Yes
Boy:Bhai behan
Girl:Yes
Boy:Khana peena
Girl:Yes
Boy:Star plus
Girl: Muh sambhal ke baat kar !


Pati-Patni mein ladai ho gayi. Pati ghar se chala gaya. Raat ko phone karta hai.
Pati: Khaane mein kya hai??
Patni: Zehar!!
Pati: Tum khaa lena main der se aaunga..
Life style Menu may welcome,
Menu hai:
CALL ke liye 1 dabaiye
ENGAGEMENT k liye 2 dabaiye
SHAADI k liye 3 dabaiye
Or
DOOSRI BIWI k liye pehli ka gala dabaiye.
Agar manzil ko pana ho to himmat sath rakhna,
pyar pana hoto aitbaar sath rakhna,
aur agar sada muskurana ho to,
Brush aur Paste sath rakhna.

Once a guy said to a girl: Mam apki sendal badi piyari hai.
Girl said: Utaroon kaya?
Guy said: Mam jeans ziada pyari hai.
Teacher : What are the people of Turkey called?
Student : I don’t know.
Teacher : They are called Turks, now what are the people of Germany called?
Student : They are called Germs.


Galileo used 2 study in small lamp,
Graham bell used 2 study in candle,
shakespear used 2 study in stret lite.
Mujhe samaj mein nahi aata..
sale din mein jakh marte the kya?
Power house company mein ek job hai,
Salary RS. 20000.
Karni hai to reply karo….
Zyada mehnat ka kaam nahin hai,
Bas bijli k taaron par gila kapda marna hai.
Lady to Dr : Mera beta motorcycle se gir gaya.
Dr. : I don’t know hindi, please talk in English.
Lady : Sir I no speak English.
Dr. : Try please.
Lady: My londa gironda from hero honda.
Bhakt: Hey bagwan mujhe dard de, mere piche bhut laga de, tension de, mujhe barbaad kar de, dukh de.
Bhagwan: Abey ek line mein bol tuhje BIWI chahiye.
Mujse koi galti ho
gayi hai kya?
Pichle 1 hafte se
mujhe ignore kar rahe ho.
-
-
-
-
plz
aisa mat karo..
tumhara pyara..
-
-
-
-
-
“SABUN”
PLZ NAHA LO YaaR.

Samunder bhar syllabus hain,
Nadi bhar padh pate hain,
Balti bhar yaad reheta hain,
Mug bhar likh pate hain,
Chullu bhar number aate hain,
Aur usimein doob kar mar jaate hain

Read this fast!
Chai
Coffee
Chai
Coffee
Chai
Coffee
Chai
Coffee
Ok!!! Congrats!!!!
U r selected 2 work at d railway station..

Close-up se daant saaf karne ka,
Pepsodent se mazboot karne ka,
Babool se fresh rakhne ka,
Agar phir bhi white nahi hue,
Toh bindaas HARPIC use karne ka!

Teacher To Child
Tumhare Ghar Me Sab Se Chhota Kon Hai.?
Student;
Hamari Nokrani.!
Teacher;
Woh Kyun.?
Student:
Unki Shalwar Aaj Bhi Papa Hi Utarte Hain…


1.Saa
2.Re
3.Ga
4.Maa
5.Paa
6.Dha
7.Nee
8.Saa..
ab iss ma khud ko talash karne k liye 3 aur 6 Parhen…. Thanks…

Har gali phoolon se saja rakhi hai,
Har chowk pe ladkiyan bitha rakhi hai,
Na jane kis raste se aap aaoge,
Isliye har ladki ko ek-ek raakhi thama rakhi hai.
Umeedo ki manjil toot gayi
Aankho se ashqo ki dhara beh gayi
Are tumahri bhi kya izaat reh gayi
Jab class ki ladki bhaiya keh gayi.



Na ishq karna mere yaar
ye ladkiya bahut satati hai
na karna in par aitbar
ye kharch bahut karwati hai
recharge tum karwa ke dete ho
or number mera lagati hai



Internet par ladki pataayi
Internet par ho gayi sagaayi
Internet par divorce ho gaya
Is bahaane computer ka course ho gaya

Jis taraf dekho apka hi naam hai
Jis taraf dekho apka hi naam hai
upar likha hai most wanted
neeche 25 paise ka inaam hai

Bandar ki Beti Apne Baap se Boli
Papa Papa Mujhe Shadi Karni Hai
Beta thoda intezar karo kyonki
Dulha Abhi SMS Read Kar Rahi hai


Ragging k waqt ladko ne
ek ladki se kaha ,
Ek – sawal ka jawab
Do – Patna kahan hai ?
Ladki – Bihar me .
Boys – yahi pat jao itni dur jaane ki kya zarurat hai .
Wife – kitchen se aji sunte ho
aajkal mai khubsurat hoti ja rahi hue .
Husband – : tumne kaise jana
Wife :- aaj kal meri khubsurti dekhkar rotiyan bhi jalne lagi hai …..
Boy 2 girl :
Thanx
Girl :
Welcme but for what ? ? ?
.
Boy :
Abi j0 tum muje apna numbr d0 gi is lia...
Banta- Yar tune itne chote chote baal kyu katwaye..??
Santa- wo yar hajjam k pas chhtte nahi the 3 rupye to main bola 3 rupye ka aur kaat do....;-)



Teacher- Mai jo Questn Puchu, Uska ANS Phataphat dena.
Teacher- India ki rajdhani ka kya naam hai.?
.
.
.
.
.
.
Student- PHATAPHAT..


shadi ki pehli raat .... "Dulha" Confuse hougya k mein Dulhan se kia baat karon ? Sochne k bad us ne poocha . . . . . .. . Ji aj app hamare ghar hi rukeingi ?
Santa ne BUS ME 2 TICKET Li
Conductor-2 Q?
Santa-1 kho gyi to DUSRI RAHEGI...!
Cndtr-AGAR DUSRI KHO GAYI TO?...
SAnta-TO "PASS" KAB KAAM AYEGA


Tchr- Beta Chori Krna Buri Baat He,
Chori Ka Fal Hmesha Kadva Hota He
Papu- Lekin Mene Jo APPLE Chori Krke Khaaye Woh Toh Mithe The..

Why Has The Govt Fixed Voting Age Of 18 Yr
& Marriage In Age Of 21yr?
Govt Ko Ye Pata Hai K
Desh Sumbhalna Aasan Hai
Lekin Biwi Nahi


Girl (in train) :- can i sit here ?
Boy :- it all urs .........
Girl :- can i take some water ?
Boy :- my pleasure ............
Girl :- Bhaiya agla station kaun sa hai ?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Boy :- mere baap ne mere dimag me koi GPS fit nhi kiya hai ,
jaldi seat khali ker mujhe neend aa rahi hai


2 pathan Bhai Exam hall me..
Teacher:Tum D0no Ne Apne Father
Ka Naam Different Q Likha?
Pathan:Tm phir bolta k hm ne Naqal
ki hy hamary pas dimagh hy madam...

When GOD opened the window Heaven,
he saw me & asked the question "WHAT IS YOUR WISH FOR TODAY"?
I said "BLESS THE PERSON WHO READS THIS MESSAGE".

Why do girls prefer arranged marriage ? ? ?
Because an unknown Namuna is Better than a well known Kameena.



Q: What is the Indian version of a hat-trick?A: 3 runs in 3 balls.

Kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayal aata hai,aaj nahin aaya,kaha na kabhi kabhi aata hai


A Sardar's house has caught fire and he is giving miss calls to the Fire brigade! What a Great Kanjoos!


Population slogan in Bihar: Hum Do Hamare Do, Unke Baad Jitne Bhi Hon, Sabko Punjab aur Haryana bhej do !


Osama to Amitabh: How are you ?Amitabh: "Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham" And you?Osama: "Kabhi Gola Kabhi Bum"


Thought of the day:Agar aap bus pe chade... ya phir bus aap pe chade...dono marthaba ticket aapka hi kat ta hai


A 4 APPLEB 4 BADA APPLEC 4 CHHOTA APPLED 4 DUSRA APPLE E 4 EK AUR APPLEF 4 FOKAT KA APPLEG 4 GOL APPLE H 4 HO GAYA NA PET KHARAB Karna hai


Gujju lover: Darling mere kaan me kuch halka sa, kuch narm sa, Kuch namkin sa, Kuch mitha sa kaho!Premika: Dhokla
Jija: Sali ji, aapke yahan ki sabse mash-hoor cheez kaunsi hai?Sali: Jija ji, jo mash-hoor thi, usey to aap le gaye!


Munna bhai: Agar bina danto ka kutta kate to kya karna chahiye?Circuit: Simple bhai... Bina sui ka injection lagane ka!


Namaskar. This is All India Anti -Sleep Association Mid Night Service. Our Aim is 2 Disturb the Sleep of Others. Thank You.


In a class, teacher asked: If I buy an item at 12.75 and sell at 15.25, it's loss or profit?Pappu: Profit in rupees & loss in paise


Wife ko Begum kyon kehte hain?Kyonki shaadi ke baad saare gum to husband ke hisse mein aate hain or wife Be-Gum ho jaat hai.


When words fail... Eyes work,when Eyes fail... Heart works,and when Heart fails... to kya?samajh le TAPAK gaya MAAMU


Boy: Tum gaana bahut achcha GaatI ho.
Girl: Nahin, mein to sirf bathroom singer hoon.
Boy: To bulaao na kabhi, mehfil jamaate hain.


Meaning of ABCDEFG : A Boy Can Do Everything For Girls.Reverse the letters GFEDCBAGirls Forget Everything Done & Catch new Bakra Again


Bhikhari: Saab 1 rupaya de do.
Saheb: Kal aana.
Bhikhari: Saala is kal kal ke chakkar mein is colony mein mere lakhon rupaye fase huye hain


Nasha aankho me hota hai Sharaab mein nahin, Sharddha Dil me hoti hai Mandir mein nahin...Dosti SMS karne se badhti hai, SMS padhne se nahi...



An old rich man marries a young Girl.Interviewer asks the girl: Apne inmein shaadi ke liye kya dekha?Girl: Ek to inki income aur doosre inke din kum.



Girl: If u'll try to kiss me, main shor macha doongi.
Boy: Lekin yahan to dur-dur tak koi nahin hai.
Girl: I know but formality to karni hi padegi...



Sharab Ek Bimari hai jo saare samaj ko khatam kar rahi hai.To aao milkar is bimari ko khatam karen.Ek bottle tum khatam karo ek bottle hum khatam karen.



Bhagwan apki umar lambi karey!Bhagwan apko Naukri de!Bhagwan apko Khush rakhe!Bhagwan apko Barkat de!Yaad ho gaya? Chal phir Katora utha aur shooru ho ja..Kiska wait kr rha hai



Girl: Is dress ka kya price hai?
Shopkeeper: Sirf 5 kiss.
Girl: Aur us dress ka?
Shopkeeper: 10 kiss.
Girl: Dono dress pack kar do, bill meri Dadi dengE
Kisne keh diya mhengai hogyi......



Baba ji ka mela laga hai haridwar mein. Prashad mein Recharge Coupon diye jayenge.Kisi aur ko mat batana. Ye SMS sirf chuninda bhikhariyon ko bheje ja raha hai



Naukrani: Malkin aap udaas kyon hain?
Malkin: Tumhare sahab apne office ki kisi ladki se pyaar karte hai.
Naukrani: Nahin, sahab mujhe dhokha nahin de sakte



Ek yug tha 
jab log apne ghar ke dwar pe likhte the: ATITHI DEVO BHAVA
Phir likha: SHUBH LABH
Phir likhne lage: U R WELCOME
Aur ab likhte hain: KUTTON SE SAVDHAN.
Aap ka likhte hai?




Train ka TT Sadhu se: Kahan jana hai?
Sadhu: Jahan Ram ka janam hua tha.
TT-Ticket hai?
Sadhu: Nahin
TT-Chalo..
Sadhu: Kahan?
TT-Jahan Krishan ka janam hua tha..
Sadhu-Mai kuch smjha nhi.
TT-Jail mein


Jitne channel TV ke, utne nakhre Biwi ke.TV chalta remote se, Biwi chalti hai note se.



Father: Tumhe kaisi biwi chahiye?
Son: Mujhe chand jai si biwi chahiye, jo raat ko aaye aur subha chali jaye!


Aadmi shaadi kyon karta hai?
Takee vo marne ke baad agar Swarg jaye to achcha feel kare aur agar Nark jaye to homely feel kare..



What is difference between Watch and Wife?
Ek kharaab hoti hai to band ho jaati hai aur doosri kharab hoti hai to chaloo ho jaati hai.



Girlfriends r like chocolates, taste good anytime.
Lovers r like PIZZAS, Hot n spicy, eaten frequently.
Husbands r like Dal RICE, eaten when there's no choice



Mother: Beta dhoop main khade kiya kar rahe ho?
Son: Paseena sukha raha hooon.

Q: Man: Akal badhi ya bhains?A: Sardar: Pehle date of birth to batao dono kiSanta Singh: What is the full form of singh?Banta Singh: S-santa I-insaan N-nahi G-gadha H-hai.How does a Sardar plan to kill a Lion?He will drink poison and let Lion eat him.Bolp ta ra raPolice: Do you know what is the correct way of getting bail.Judge: Yes, a note of Rs 100 under the tableTumko dekha to yeh khyaal aaya,Tumko dekha to yeh khyaal aaya,Ki Paaglo ke stock mein Naya Maal AayaSagaai hui...Shadi Hui...Biwi ghar main aayi...Ghar SWARG ban gaya...Aur main... SWARGWASI...

Sardar: Kis se baat kar rahe ho.Mohan: Biwi se...Sardar: Itne... Pyar se...?Mohan: Tumhari hai...
Sardar: Oye Yaar! agar electricity nahi hoti to kya hota?Santa: Kuch nahi yaar, hame candle light me T.V dekhna padta…
Q: Why Sardar is standing below the Tube light with an open mouth?A: Because Doctor has advised him: Aaj Light Khana hai !
Sardar sent sms to Santa: Bhejnewala Mahaan, padhnewala Gadha.
Santa got angry and replied: Bhejnewala Gadha, padhnewala Mahaan.
Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"
Doctor: "Nine."
Twinkle Twinkle little star,
And once you know what you are,

What happens when a lion roars thrice?
Style of break up:
A Belated Teachers' Day
Its A Humble Request

Rose
Lotus
Tulip
Orchid
Sunflower
Jasmin
Lilly
All flowers r sweet but they have no comparison with u,
Kyun K
Gobhi K phool ki baat hi alag hai.
Bubbli got caugt on date




Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."



Tum Bhi Likha Karo Shayri
Tumhara Bhi Meri tarah Naam Ho Jayega,
Jab Tum Par Bhi Padenge Ande Aur Tamatar
To Sham Ki SABJI Ka Intezam Ho Jayega..

You should know what you are,

Mental hospital is not so far.

-
-
-
-
-
Think
-
-
-
-
-
Any guess?
-
-
-
-
-
Ok i will tell you..
-
-
-
-
-

Tom & jerry cartoon begins!

Boy bought gift for His Girl friend-
GF:Wat the hell would I do with this rocket?
Boy: U wanted stars na?

Now sit on it and GET LOST 


"80% Of Teachers r
Suffering From Throat
Pain By Teaching Students."
So Plz
.
.
.
.
BUNK d Classes As Much
As Possible
n

Save Our Teachers


on Independance day
.
Major Rohail-
What is this?
.
Bubbli-
Dad today is freedom day,

so let me do what I want

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